I admit: I’m powerless (maybe)

10 Sep

Hello. My name is Cristin and I (may) have a problem. No, it’s not what you think (or maybe it is…). I don’t think I’m an addict, but if I am an addict, then I’m certainly not ready to quit. Not yet any way.

I was supposed to stop.

I did stop!

It felt good to stop.

… until it didn’t.

Over the last ~5 weeks, I’ve been experimenting with a replacement/maintenance program. The detox actually felt really good — at first. But I know it’s not sustainable and it’s certainly not nearly as stimulating as the real thing. I mean, how can relearning PEMDAS and the pythagorean theorem make anyone feel good about themselves?!

Yes, GRE prep is grueling and therefore also sort of exhilarating in its own way (kind of like how today’s 9-16% climbs in 98° weather were “exhilarating”… <eye roll>) but it’s not REAL learning.

I need the good stuff.

The “GRE study thing” will expire when I take the exam on Oct. 1 and I can’t quit cold-turkey. As much as I’d “like” to just chill and ride my bike and walk my dog and hang with my homies, I already know that there’s no way I can attempt to kick the academic habit cold-turkey.

So come September 29, I’ll once again hit the books at UCLA -- albeit virtually (because this is an on-line only course, which will therefore allow me to build my “kickin’ it” skills (hopefully), which will be very much required for the first half of 2015. DEEP BREATH about 2015: I can do it! I CAN learn to just chill. Maybe. Eventually. For a little while — but not yet…).

Now back to my backslide…

You guys, c’mon!

How could I NOT take a grad-level course called “Happiness: Theory, Research, and Application in Positive Psychology“?

ESPECIALLY when one of the required books is (and I sh*t you not): Viktor Frankl’s Man’s Search for Meaning?!

AND the instructor’s bio leads off with the following:

Emily vanSonnenberg first found her interest in positive psychology after surviving a near-fatal car accident. “I was in a wheelchair for four months and told that I was never going to walk again. I had a lot of time to think, and someone gave me a book on positive psychology. After that I became very clear about my life…”

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I HAVE to take this course!

Happiness. The Holocaust. And an instructor who had a near-death, life-changing experience?!

Way to lure me back. I’m hooked. Sign me up!

image.fish.hook.005

Parting Thought: Happiness cannot be pursued; it must ensue. ~Viktor Frankl

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