Now this is just f*cking weird…

17 Jan

My law firm often provides plants to various attorneys. Not all attorneys get plants and the rules about what type of plant you get (if you get one) are not entirely clear. Plant distribution may be based on some sort of seniority system. Or it may be entirely random. I really don’t know how it all works.

What I *do* know is that I have a highly coveted ~7′ Lisa Cane plant. And this plant (let’s call her “Lisa”) has been with me for a very long time. In fact, I believe Lisa was with me during my “first round” at Manatt (1999-2002) and that we were joyously reunited post-Ukraine. But even if Lisa only came into my life for this round, that still means that we’ve been together for nearly 8 years.

Now, as anyone who has ever been to my home can surely attest: I am a certified black thumb gardener. I cannot sustain a plant for much more than 8 weeks, let alone 8 years. Lisa lives –and, indeed, thrives– because she is cared for by a professional service company.

This company is top-notch. Lisa receives watering and leaf trimming services on a weekly basis and other necessary plant-fuels and treatments on an as-needed basis. Her lush, shiny, healthy leaves evoke envy in many office visitors. There was a long list of candidates seeking to become Lisa’s new guardian following my departure.

Let me emphasize that: There was a long list of candidates … right up until Tuesday, when Lisa freaked out on us.

She received her standard dose of professional care last week. She was fine when I left her on Thursday. Friday was my “no Manatt” day (i.e., the day I get to spend volunteering in the neuro-rehabilitation research lab) and nothing seemed out of the ordinary when I returned on Monday.

Q came to visit me early on Monday, to let me know that he had reconsidered and that he would, in fact, honor my wishes. He would NOT force me to lose my dignity via a public display of my “emotional basket case” status. He was OK with me doing the 2-stage departure-notice-by-email thing. Predictably, my reaction to this benevolence was to dissolve almost immediately into tears.

In fact, the tears kept flowing all day on Monday while I worked to draft a departure notification email to the colleagues whom I’d miss the most. Among other things, that email included the following paragraph:

When I think about leaving [you] behind … , I completely fall apart emotionally — as I am now. Tears streaming down my face. Jaw clenched resolutely. Kleenex strewn about me. It is an ugly scene down here in office #313.

Yes, the Kleenex mountains were erected around my river of tears on Monday. And when I came into the office on Tuesday, this is what I saw:

Limp Lisa

WTF?!??!

I didn’t even recognize her! Who was this withered, etiolated impostor? Surely it was not Lisa?!

In all these years, Lisa NEVER displayed even a single yellow leaf. And yet now somehow, overnight, POOF: She was replete with yellow and brown leaves!

How is this possible?

Is Lisa empathic? Is she a droopy mess because I’ve been such a water-logged disaster? Do we somehow share a common consciousness?

A quick Google search for “human and plant communication” and “human, plant shared consciousness” demonstrates several apparently legitimate fields of physics, biology, engineering, and –yes,– neuroscience devoted to the study of plant consciousness.

Although this now seems ridiculously fascinating to me, I am w-a-y too freaked out by Lisa’s behavior to even consider exploring this realm in my studies.

But, if any of you blog readers happen to be a psychobotanist (or even just a really proficient “green thumb”), I would REALLY appreciate your feedback or theories to help explain Lisa’s current deteriorating physical health, particularly as it relates to my own imperiled emotional health.

Because right now, this is all really just too f*cking weird…

4 Responses to “Now this is just f*cking weird…”

  1. Tiela Chalmers January 17, 2013 at 8:33 am #

    I’m pretty sure that one of the people farther down on the list of candidates to receive Lisa took matters into their own hands and swapped her out for Harry, the plant-on-death’s-door.

    • justadventures January 17, 2013 at 8:58 am #

      You could be right about that! People around here can be pretty devious…

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. A Little Housekeeping & then vacation! | JustAdventures - June 20, 2013

    […] am THRILLED to report that Lisa the Plant, who ultimately came home with me upon my departure from Manatt has defied all expectations and […]

  2. Preparing to go nowhere (*yet) | JustAdventures - November 9, 2014

    […] who could watch my mail and keep Lisa the Plant […]

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