It’s all about the food

10 Apr

This Saturday, Avengelyne (my bike) and I will ride 123 miles in San Francisco and Marin counties, packing in 12,933′ of climbing along the way (route link here). We’ll be joined by 5 other fabulous females and their bikes (most of which don’t have names … weird). Together, we comprise “Team Bike Effect.”

Team Bike Effect will compete against 23 other all-female teams in an “unsanctioned, unmarshalled, unsupported” race called the Rapha Prestige. Each team must stick together throughout the race. For readers who are cyclists, this is basically a very long-range, very high-endurace TTT event. For everyone else, this team-based approach to the race basically means: You’re only as fast as your slowest rider.

The longest I’ve ever ridden in one day is 115 miles. The most I’ve ever climbed in one day is just a touch over 10,000′. Most of my teammates have similar pedigrees. So, this ride of 123 miles with ~13,000′ of climbing (some on gravel fire roads) oughtta be …

Gosh, a LOT of words could complete that sentence!

OK. One thing it will be —for sure-– is “energy intensive,” which is why our sponsor required us to submit nutrition plans this week. The submission request included the following guidelines/instructions:

You’ll likely need between 5000-7000 calories for the day depending on your body. While your food [choice] is personal, your ability to stay hydrated and well-fed affects the team as a whole. If I see a hole in your plan, I AM going to fill it.

This woman takes her food seriously! I like that in a team manager!

Because this is an “unsupported” ride, we’ll have no volunteer-staffed rest/refreshment stops along the way as would be the case for a normal endurance event. We are 100% on-our-own in terms of providing food, fluids, and fuel.

Figuring out how to carry ~5,000 calories in the three little pockets that festoon the back of a cycling jersey is no easy feat. I spent a lot of time examining my cupboards and my options and consulting various nutrition and metabolism guides. I was proud of my plan, but nervous about submitting it.

So, I was downright giddy to receive the following response: “Excellent work, grasshopper, [please] send this to everyone.

Upon receipt of my plan, one teammate’s near-instantaneous response was: “Cristin, I didn’t see any bacon listed!

D’oh!

Yes, indeed, this will be a bacon-free cycling adventure for me. Because the ride isn’t challenging enough, right?

No, really, here’s the deal:

I’m bunking with a family that keeps kosher. Because they are putting me up for FREE (an indulgence gratefully welcomed & appreciated by this unemployed returned college student), I gladly will forgo the bacon in favor of (a) sustaining cultural harmony and (b) gaining an extra ~hour of sleep thanks to their 5-block proximity to the start-line.

Of course, my peaceful sleep may be obliterated by the nightmares I likely will have when I think about the TOTAL HORROR STORY that my physiology instructor shared with me.

By day, my Physio instructor is a nurse. He joined the nursing profession less than a year ago after spending a couple decades as an investment banker — so we have lots in common and the fact that we both curse a blue streak further cements our bond and apparently means that it is A-OK for him to share patient details with me (in a HIPAA-compliant manner, of course).

I’ll spare you the details and just cut to the chase:

He was working on the bariatric floor. A pre-op, HIGHLY obese patient was complaining of extreme abdominal pain and confided that it had been nearly 3 weeks since she had a bowel movement. Measures were taken and after a few hours she reported that she was rid of her abdominal pain and someone “might” want to call the plumber. Upon arriving on scene, the plumber’s exact words were: “Holy sh*t, I think she’s crapped out her entire intestine!” My prof entered to check things out and he, too, thought that she really might have somehow literally expelled her entire intestine.

Turns out, the unholy length of intestine-shaped detritus was actually a wax replica of her intestine.

How did it get there?

Well, apparently one (one!) of the reasons she was obese was that she had a habit of eating “2 or 3” value-packs of Hershey bars per day — 2 or 3 PACKS per day. That’s 72 to 108 Hershey bars — PER DAY!! And, of course, the “emulsifiers” listed on the official Hershey label also include an edible form of carnuba wax.

~80 bars of carnuba wax 7 days a week for 3 weeks = one BIG problem!

< shudder >

I’ve triple checked my ride nutrition components — no emulsifiers listed, so I should be safe. But I’m still a bit spooked by his story.

Maybe I should just stick with bacon.

Parting Thought: Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. ~Doug Larson

2 Responses to “It’s all about the food”

  1. Mary S April 11, 2013 at 7:18 am #

    Turkey bacon in freezer section of costco….not sure if it was Kosher”’probably not/ They sampled it the other day in Westlake. Try a few bacon bits on veggies…..also in Costco. I will be in SF on the 28th….taking bus trip to Jersey Boys. Fun. Be safe. Take light jacket for fog! Aunt M

    ________________________________

    • justadventures April 11, 2013 at 7:49 am #

      One of my teammates will hook me up at the start line with some leftover bacon. Problem solved!

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