#adventure17 v.9

17 Sep

I’m not sure what Adventure I was supposed to tackle this month. The original #adventure17 calendar/program was drunkenly crafted as an iPhone Note that apparently got deleted sometime during the summer and also never got transmitted to BB/PP (who is supposed to be my Back-Up Guy for Everything–whoops). And we all know that my Etch-a-Sketchโ„ข brain most often defaults to the latter rather than the former…. ๐Ÿ˜ณ

I discovered this No More Written Plan problem right after I submitted my v.8 #adventure17 tale, but–no worries, right?

The Universe always provides.

One day in early August I nearly broke my neck when I tripped over an untidy bundle sitting under my doormat. The iconic dark green marker scrawl read: “DO NOT STEAL” and was written on a recycled jumbo catalogue mailer, which was rubber-banded around several sheets of recycled office print-outs, which encircled the main contents. 

All of this immediately raised my hackles as I thought: What fresh hell is this? 

I placed the ~4″ stack of photographs from the early ’90s-2010 on the corner of a bookshelf and proceeded to largely ignore them, except to wonder, repeatedly, how did he get these in the first place and why is he returning them to me now–almost 4 years after I told him to never speak to or contact me again?

But then, not more than 3 or 4 days later, I received a very-out-of-the-blue FB Message from one of my all-time-favorite and most deeply missed law school buddies. She was inquiring about a WAY LONG AGO adventure that (apparently) involved Scattergories, Enya, the ocean, and Cliff Clavin, among other things.

I didn’t remember ANY of those things (not because of my TBI, probably–more likely because of the INSANE amount of alcohol that was consumed during the week? month? 3 days? in which the original shenanigans transpired)…. but then other people on the FB Message chimed in to share more details so that, suddenly–whammo!–I remembered things!

And!

Some of those things, I thought, might possibly be enshrined within the random pile of photos that had just shown up and tried to kill me upon my doorstep….

Indeed. 

There they were. The memories (in the form of recently returned photographs) came flooding back: Tater guns, beer, fried food, bourbon, Trivial Pursuit, vodka, Twister, beer, Ping Pong, whiskey, trips to Marge’s Liquor Mart, beer, naps, beer, more fried food, cuddles, beer, beer, beer, and–most/best of all–that orgasmic grilled cheese sandwich. โค๏ธ

This last thing is/was not hyperbole, btw.

That grilled cheese sandwich in Norwood, NC will forever live on as The Best Food I Have Ever Eaten (or ever will)….

The ONLY Norwood memory that is even remotely safe to share — name & date deleted to protect the (not-so) innocent

And for a few days, in between the podcasts I generally listen to while commuting by bike to my OTD Lab, I let my mind spin itself through Norwood Memory Land & Lane…

And it kept coming back to that friggin fantastic orgasmic grilled cheese sandwich.

Something about it gnawed at me; challenged me to turn it into an Official #adventure17 experience. 

How?

Why? 

For what reason? 

I don’t/didn’t know….

until one day–whammo!–I did.

That grilled cheese sammich was NOT the only orgasmic thing from that week/weekend/whatever it was. 

I didn’t have to try to go to cooking school (boring) or Kama Sutra class (scary) or try to build my own tater gun (derivative, and probably dangerous) in order to convert the ghost of my memory into a real, present-day experience.

No. 

I eventually came to remember–very clearly–that I had delivered a very extensive, totally serious, “lecture” to my Norwood mates regarding one’s ability to achieve orgasm via foot massage. 

๐Ÿ‘ฃโค๏ธ๐Ÿ’ฅโœจ๐Ÿ’๐Ÿผ

I cannot recall from whence I had received such “knowledge,” (nor what, exactly, it might have been), nor why my friends allowed me to go on at such length about it, nor–mercifully–whether or not whatever I told/showed/did to them “worked” [IF YOU WERE THERE AND YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASE DO NOT SHARE ANY RECOLLECTION YOU MAY HAVE IN THE COMMENT SECTION!!], but it raised an interesting proposition: 

Are there actual, legit classes that address this concept?

So down the Internet Rabbit Hole I went. 

And when I emerged, I did NOT have an answer to that specific question, but I DID have a new–totally legit, and in keeping with the #adventure17 “rules”/spirit–challenge for September….

<drum roll….>

๐Ÿฅ๐Ÿฅ๐Ÿฅ๐Ÿฅ๐Ÿฅ

And so it shall come to pass that next weekend, I shall partake in a 2-day “Beginning Hand & Ear Reflexology” course.   

โœ‹๐Ÿผโœจ๐Ÿ‘‚๐Ÿผ๐Ÿ”ฎ๐ŸŽ‰

Why “hands & ears” instead of feet? Three reasons:

  1. The Foot Reflexology class was scheduled for a weekend that I knew I would be stuck in the lab doing Autism testing (#livingthedream);
  2. The easiest non-intercourse way to get ME to orgasm is through my ears (which only a very, very limited number of people can verify!) and I’m curious AF to discover if there is any science behind this situation; and
  3. Feet are gross ๐Ÿคข

So, the Official #adventure17 thing won’t happen until next weekend and you will have to wait until the v.10 report gets written in order to learn all about it, BUT in the meantime….

All month I’ve been engaged in a really interesting personal experiment that may warrant its own special report once September comes to a close. 

So, stay tuned and here’s a hint about that:

#notwhatiplanned

#theuniverseknows

#jeebustakethewheel

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